The Difficult Person Survival Guide: What They Don't Teach You in Management School

Every workplace has one. That person who makes your Monday morning feel like a root canal without anaesthesia.

You know the type. The colleague who turns every team meeting into a philosophical debate about why we shouldn't change anything ever. The client who somehow transforms a simple project brief into a 47-email dissertation about their cousin's wedding photographer's opinion on colour palettes. The manager who schedules "quick catch-ups" that last longer than most people's marriages.

After seventeen years of navigating Australia's corporate landscape—from the mining camps of Western Australia to the glass towers of Melbourne's CBD—I've developed what I call the "Difficult Person Survival Toolkit." And unlike most management advice, this actually works in the real world.

Stop Trying to Change Them (Seriously, Just Stop)

Here's the harsh truth that'll save you years of frustration: you cannot change difficult people. Full stop. End of story.

I spent the first decade of my career believing I could logic my way through every personality clash. Classic mistake. You might as well try teaching a wombat to play cricket. The wombat's not being deliberately difficult—it's just being a wombat.

The breakthrough came during a particularly challenging project in Brisbane. Picture this: a stakeholder who responded to every suggestion with, "Well, that's not how we did it in Singapore." After weeks of diplomatic attempts to redirect the conversation, I finally realised something profound.

I wasn't dealing with a difficult person. I was dealing with a frightened person.

This particular individual had been made redundant from three companies in five years. Of course they were clinging to familiar processes like a life raft. Once I understood their underlying fear of change, everything shifted.

The Fear Factor: What's Really Going On

Eighty-seven percent of difficult workplace behaviour stems from fear. Fear of looking incompetent, fear of being passed over, fear of technology making them obsolete, or fear of admitting they don't understand something everyone else seems to grasp intuitively.

That aggressive micromanager? They're terrified their team will discover they're winging half their decisions. The colleague who shoots down every innovation? They're probably worried about being left behind by change they can't control.

Understanding this doesn't mean you become their therapist—leave that to the professionals. But it does mean you can approach interactions with strategic empathy rather than mounting frustration.

Take David, a project manager I worked with at a logistics company in Adelaide. Brilliant guy, absolutely hopeless at delegating. Would rather work eighteen-hour days than trust anyone else with "important" tasks. Classic control freak behaviour, right?

Wrong. Turned out David had been burned badly by a previous team who missed critical deadlines, resulting in a million-dollar contract loss. His micromanagement wasn't about ego—it was about survival.

The CALM Method: Your Secret Weapon

When dealing with difficult personalities, I use what I call the CALM approach:

Clarify the real issue. Skip the surface drama and dig for the underlying concern. "Help me understand what's really worrying you about this approach."

Acknowledge their perspective. You don't have to agree, but you can validate their feelings. "I can see why that experience would make you cautious about new processes."

Limit your emotional investment. Their anxiety doesn't have to become your anxiety. Maintain professional boundaries while remaining compassionate.

Move toward solutions. Once you understand their fears, you can address them directly. "What would need to happen for you to feel confident about moving forward?"

This method has worked with everyone from union representatives in mining sites to high-strung creative directors in Sydney ad agencies.

The Types You'll Encounter (And How to Handle Each)

The Perfectionist: Usually driven by fear of criticism or failure. Give them detailed timelines, regular check-ins, and celebrate incremental progress. Companies like Atlassian have mastered this approach with their structured development processes.

The Pessimist: Often protecting themselves from disappointment. Acknowledge potential risks while focusing on mitigation strategies. Don't try to convert them to optimism—use their critical thinking as quality assurance.

The Attention Seeker: Typically feeling undervalued or invisible. Give them meaningful recognition opportunities and involve them in high-visibility projects. Sometimes the most disruptive team member just needs to feel heard.

The Territorial Defender: Usually experienced employees who've seen too many failed changes. Respect their expertise while gradually introducing new approaches. Make them allies in the change process rather than obstacles.

Here's something that'll surprise you: some of the most difficult people make the best team members once you crack their code. Sarah, a notoriously prickly business analyst, became our most valuable team member after I discovered her seemingly endless objections actually stemmed from incredibly thorough risk assessment skills.

When to Walk Away

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the relationship remains toxic. Here's my rule: if someone consistently undermines team morale, disrespects colleagues, or refuses to engage constructively after multiple attempts at resolution, it's time for management intervention.

I learned this lesson the hard way with a sales director who seemed determined to turn every client presentation into a aggressive interrogation. After months of coaching attempts, we finally had to acknowledge that his approach wasn't changing—and it was costing us business.

The relief in the team after his departure was palpable. Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do is remove someone who's making everyone else miserable.

The Plot Twist: You Might Be the Difficult One

Plot twist time: occasionally, you're the difficult person in someone else's story.

I discovered this during a 360-degree feedback session that went sideways fast. Apparently, my "direct communication style" was coming across as "unnecessarily blunt" to several team members. Who knew?

The feedback stung, but it was accurate. I'd been so focused on efficiency that I'd forgotten about emotional intelligence. Once I started prefacing difficult conversations with acknowledgment of people's feelings, everything improved dramatically.

Regular self-reflection prevents you from becoming the workplace villain. Ask trusted colleagues for honest feedback. If multiple people mention the same concern, it's probably worth addressing.

Building Your Difficult Person Toolkit

Start with observation. Before your next challenging interaction, spend five minutes considering what might be driving their behaviour. Are they overworked? Feeling excluded from important decisions? Struggling with imposter syndrome?

Practice the CALM method in low-stakes situations first. Use it with pushy salespeople or difficult service representatives. Once it becomes second nature, deploy it in workplace situations.

Most importantly, remember that dealing with difficult people is a skill like any other. The more you practice, the better you become at reading situations and responding appropriately.

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The Bottom Line

Difficult people aren't going anywhere. In fact, with increasing workplace stress and rapid technological change, you'll probably encounter more of them, not fewer.

But here's the good news: once you understand what drives difficult behaviour and develop strategies for managing it, these interactions become significantly less draining. You might even find yourself enjoying the challenge of turning workplace adversaries into allies.

Remember: you can't control other people's behaviour, but you absolutely can control your response to it. And sometimes, that's the only control you need.

The most successful professionals aren't those who avoid difficult people—they're the ones who've learned to work with them effectively. Master this skill, and you'll find doors opening that you didn't even know existed.